MIN PAYIRA
Tuesday, 5 May 2020
Monday, 20 April 2020
UGLY PEOPLE'S COVID-19 BEARD CONTEST
Last night, I received a call from an unknown caller with hidden identity. Usually I don’t pick such calls from thieves but because of boredom and abundance of free time to interact with just anything that gives me attention including useless people, I picked this call.
The caller, not like the usual calls, it came in at 4:45am in the night. I wasn’t watching movies because it does look like I got done with all my 2TB series collections. I spend my nights mostly watching COVID-19 updates and how different nations are managing to reduce on new infections. Reading how modern scientists are scratching their heads day and night to find cure for the Virus.
Anyway, back to the caller. They say in hard times come beautiful and wonderful opportunities to take for a few and indeed this was one of those lucrative opportunity to make me still ride through this COVID-19 pandemic and even financially keep my spending ability high after the pandemic.
The financial opportunity he offered is not equivalent to that of Global Alliance. This one required my direct and active personal participation. It was a contest Mother******. A fucking “Ugly People’s COVID-19 Beard Contest” brother. Hehehehe. Exactly how I responded with a wide ugly determined contestants laugh. Ever imagined someone smile-laughing? Yes, I did that at the same time.
I inquired on the procedures of participation and voting. It was a very simple procedure with not much rules. The only rule was you must be a registered member of Ugly People Association International with certificates you apply for from the organization’s website and awarded after verifications from Organization’s member organization in your country. This was simple to do, I thought to myself. I recorded all the details he seemed to have been giving me without a written text but as accurate as it was on the website he directed me to. What gave me high hope was how he made sure I felt it was my game. “You have all it takes to win this brother, you are ugly and ugly through.” Said the caller. That I do not deny.
We conclude and he drops the call. I first sat down with my head drawn to the imaginations of crowds cheering me up and as I picked my GBP 50,000 awards and a Golden Crown imported from India. As the beautiful imagination faded away I called this young talented son of mine Omagor Joseph for a possible photo shoot the following day first thing. You know everything happened so quick that night. First of all a man of 51 years of age participating in a contest where his win has been predetermined by location? We all want to retire with such benefits not so? Yes! I forgot about time, went ahead to dial Omagor’s number, unluckily he didn’t pick which was so unusual until it clicked on me that everything so happened at dawn and he must probably be on a series of dreams about so many things including getting a contract with CNN or Aljazeera.
I waited for the daybreak like an insecure husband waiting for his wife who has gone to a nearby retail shop.
I managed to complete filling the form before 7:00 am. Took a quick French bath. I tried calling my Boda guy to come and pick me so I can rush my form even when I had five more days to the application expiry date. I remembered then that there is a presidential directive on Boda Boda only carrying Luggage. Ugly people are not luggage my friend, we are human.
I polished my black ‘Foot-troons’. The one I bought from Rwanda before our two presidents dragged us by the Beards to their political differences. I have seen parents compare whose child is smarter and well mannered than the other but neighbors have never been added to the equation. This one of our presidents must be beyond the children.
Anyhow, me and my Foot-troon are off to town. I finally met Omagor who unfortunately had hired his Camera to some guy. Guys, anybody who weds in times of crisis like this is a mean, stupid and uncultured person. Wedding in times of Pandemic like this is inhumane. It is like a side-chic asking you for hair money knowing you are grounded with literally nothing in the pockets.
Now, there is this overly talented graphic designer called Sirayo. I have done a few projects with him and I have recommended him to so many of my friends none of them has ever complained. Only recommendations after recommendations. Business has been booming for him really. Even in hard times.
‘Furu’ as he is commonly known by those who know him, I found him busy designing someone’s Logo.
With this “No passenger on a Boda” directives nobody wants to carry a lot of items in their bags. Furu had left his Camera at home. Under the current arrangements our homes become far the moment we leave for town.
I was left with my Phone Camera to do the Job. The hope I built from my old Samsung Camera was that, one I am already ugly so there was nothing a good Camera would do to change that. Secondly, there are ladies who even with good Cameras and makeups they still look like Roasted Potatoes.
I went ahead with “If I die I die” phrase of a determined obsessed Makerere University Student targeting the private parts of a Member of Parliament. With my 4 years old Camera I took this photo attached for the contest.
"Good without God"
Thursday, 16 April 2020
SHOULD WE BE DIVIDED BY COVID-19 PANDEMIC? HUMANITY SHOULD PREVAIL.
"The enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one of the fundamental rights of every human being without distinction of race, political belief, economic r social condition.” Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, WHO Director-General
I am an idiot by appointment and so I find much peace when I publicly display my idiocy. And today looks just like one of those days I am going to an apologetically hurt so many people’s feelings. Initially this article was meant to come in after thorough research and to bare a different Title after Seven other interesting articles.
And because of the profession I mentioned above, if the content of this article does not match your interest and makes you feel like killing me, trust me, I am joyed by your discomfort.
The Human race has been the most selfish species that has ever occupied this planet. Selfish to live, procreate, and selfish for power. We have managed to live like this and preserve the human race because of this inherited survival traits. Take your time and argue on how Animals like Lion tear us to threads when they get hold of us. I know for sure that the Lions and the rest of the animals don’t come to human homes knocking on Doors and then kill them on opening. Most animals as most research indicate, they attack in defense of their territories and their kind.
The widespread occurrence of disease, in excess of what normally expected in a geographical region did not just begin in December 2019 with COVID-19. Scientists and researchers in the past have fought some of the most brutal human killers in history. For example;
Cholera pandemic of 1852-1860, illegally known as the ‘Indian Cholera’ because of it’s origin. It claimed over 1 Million lives across the globe from India, Europe, North America and Africa.
1968 Flu Pandemic “the Hong Kong Flue” killed 1 Million people on record at the time and wiping out 500,000 of Hong Kong population which was 15% of the population at the time. It spread across the continents of Africa and Europe to leave devastating results.
The third and probably the most dangerous of all pandemics was Bubonic Plague commonly known as “The Black Death” of 1346-1353. The Seven years Bubonic Plague ravaged Asia, Europe, Africa, and Asia with an estimated death toll of 75 and 200 Million people.
Should I also remind you of HIV/AIDS Pandemic? Are you aware that from time of identification in 1981, HIV/AIDS has claimed 36 million lives with Majority of those numbers of deaths coming from Sub-Saharan Africa. Other than Malaria, HIV/AIDS has called for more than financial donation than polio.
In December 2019 the region of Wuhan, China, reported a new virus, Coronavirus disease of 2019 (COVID-19). China being it’s origin before it spread to Europe, Northern America and Africa in just a period of 3 months, COVID-19 has so far claimed the lives of 127,601 and still counting with over 1 Million infections.
Today Uganda with only 55 infections with 18 recoveries and no death, we should be super proud of how we, together under the directives of scientists have managed to contain the spread of this Virus with our poor health system. With strong instructions from President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, curfews and other measures like early lockdown, contact tracing, shutting down of learning institutions and the constant ‘preaching’ of social distancing which got a node from The World Health Organization has helped us maintain and reduce on the numbers of new infections and probable deaths.
I must say we are lucky to have a government that understands how it has over 30 years failed to build strong health system and act correctly on time to protect its citizen from what would have been insufferable disaster. It is too soon claim any win but today by standards, this is unimaginable progress.
Last night a story of a Truck driver from Malaba whose last destination was South Sudan tested positive on arrival to Uganda from Kenya pained me to near undressing. On confirmation of his status the gentle man was supposed to be admitted to start receiving treatments from any of the nearby Referral Hospitals with isolation center to handle COVID-19 cases. He pays taxes like any other Ugandan therefore he deserves access to medical facilities anywhere in this country.
Hon Odonga Otto on receiving information about this truck driver’s status who was picked by the COVID-19 Task force and headed for Gulu referral hospital decided to force the Ambulance to take the victim to Kampala.
In jubilation, social media subscribers from Northern Uganda couldn’t hide their love for hate and desire to deprive another human off the rights to access medical treatment. This is a society that suffered 25 years of forceful detention in concentrated Camps. They called on to whoever cared to hear their cries to help them with whatever they could. Relief items came in from all corners of the world. Love was shared, hope restored and peace was finally achieved.
Being a member of Parliament I thought Otto understood so well or at least exhaust his mental faculty to thinking like a representative of the people of Uganda and a defender of rights to health care.
I want to remind this ungrateful society of how as human we have collectively managed to handle threats to our existence thousand years ago. We have fed each other, scientists have shared vital information across the profession, sheltered each other, leaders across boarders worked together to put up tough political and scientific measures to finally waged the most successful defense against our common enemies.
We don’t have a chance of surviving this with this kind of barbaric attitude towards one another. We are not going to make it through this if we are not taking the responsibility of being our brothers’ keepers.
Should we be divided by COVID-19 Pandemic? Humanity should prevail.
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